abegaskins-myekp

June 1, 2026

In 2014 I was working hard in our family business manufacturing PVC windows and doors.  I worked from the time I rose in the morning until the evening each day.   We had a customer in Atlanta who purchased our product.  One day he said: “I have a friend from Thailand who owns a window and door manufacturing company in Thailand. He wants to see an American window manufacturing company. Do you mind if I bring him up and could you give him a plant tour.”   I did not have to think much about it, and I replied: “sure, no problem, bring him on up.”.

Sometime not too much later Robert shows up with his friend.  He was Thai and used the nickname “Lek”.  We greeted each other and exchanged pleasantries. I don’t remember too much immediately after the greetings.  My next memory was of walking through the plant and trying to show what we did in our process.  I think we were in the plant for about 30 minutes, and I sensed that Lek seemed ill at ease.   Quite out of the blue I asked Lek a question: “if you don’t mind me asking, are you a Buddhist”?  I remember reading his body language and that was tension.  I guess he might have thought I would kick him out for not being a Southern Christian.  But that was my own personal bias to have that interpretation.  Anyway, after a brief pause, he said: “as a matter of fact, I am”.  To which I immediately stated: “that’s interesting. I don’t know a lot about Buddhism, but it is a faith that I admire.” Which was very much a true statement in my way of thinking.  It seemed to me to be a faith with a strong amount of humility and dignity, two qualities I deeply admire.

Instantly I saw Lek’s body language relax.  From that moment on the plant tour was relaxed and fruitful.    I started asking him about Thailand and his culture.  It was obvious that I was genuinely interested in the Thai culture.  Somewhere along the way he mentioned an ancient form of Meditation called “Vipassana”.  Vipassana? What’s that? How do you spell that! Lek told me it’s a mediation that has had continuity in eastern culture for over 2500 years and traced his linage all the way back to Gautama Buddha (or more simply: Buddha). Buddha was a wandering ascetic, spiritual teacher, and philosopher who lived in the ancient Indian subcontinent (modern-day Nepal and India) during the 6th or 5th century BCE—500 years before Jesus.  I was fascinated by being able to learn about the concept of Vipassana.

After the plant tour Lek left and headed back to Atlanta with Robert. I don’t remember the exact way it happened, but Lek invited me to visit his window company in Thailand, and he said we would go to the mountains of Thailand and spend 10 days learning Vipassana. 

Back in 2014 I was traveling to China about twice a year to purchase PVC extrusion tooling.   So, I thought– you know, I could easily add that to one of my extrusion tooling trips.  So, I accepted.  I had no idea what to expect.  I had not further researched Vipassana.  I was going a million miles an hour back in those days. I was working all the time, and I did not take the time to read about Vipassana.  I figured I’d just experience it.  I was informed that there would be 5 requirements of each course participant: 

1)  To abstain from killing any being: This includes all living creatures, down to small insects like mosquitoes or ants.

2) To abstain from stealing: This means taking absolutely nothing that is not freely given to you.

3)To abstain from all sexual activity: While the standard Buddhist lay precept is “abstaining from sexual misconduct.”

4) To abstain from telling lies: This is largely maintained by practicing Noble Silence: meaning no speaking, writing, or gesture to other students. You may only speak with the teacher regarding the technique or management regarding your physical needs.

5) To abstain from all intoxicants: This prohibits all alcohol, marijuana, and non-prescribed drugs. Tobacco use was strictly banned on the center grounds.

No problem. 

So, I go to Thailand.  We get in a car somewhere near Bangkok in Thailand and head north.  Northwest because we are traveling towards Burma.  Quickly we leave the city and enter rural Thailand.  It’s beautiful. Green hills in the distance.  Flat fields just off the road.  Rice fields.   And we drive on to the mountains to the north. As we travel north, poverty seems to be more prevalent (at least that’s how I recall it).  Homes become sheds, the floors of which, are hardened dirt, swept by the housekeeper to a standard of cleanliness that transcends the poverty we pass. On our journey we travel over the River Kwai, the same river that is in the WWII movie about the Battan Death march. The railway of death.  I had no idea that we would see this part of history.  There is an old steam engine locomotive discarded and stranded in the jungle.  I can imagine it’s mission during WWII. I’m not a guy that believes in ghosts, but if there is ever a ghost–they were lurking around there by that relic. It was neglected and forgotten decades ago.

There is a cemetery nearby that has the remains of British soldiers who were killed or starved to death during this time. I walked on the original bridge that these men walked on.  Surreal is word that I dislike because it is used so flippantly, but I don’t know of any other word that would best describe the emotions I felt. I could have stayed there and learned more about this history but it was time to head out.

…And we drive onward north.  Retracing our route on Google Maps many years later reveals that the trip was four and a half hours long.  The hours did not drone because this was all new to me. 

We got to the Vipasana center.  It is on the Northwestern side of the State or providence of Kanchanaburi, Thailand. The area is quite quiet.  Peaceful.  Green. Simple.  Forrest, but since we are in Southeast Asia—jungle.  I like it.  We get oriented to the small venue and get our accommodation sorted out. We are all assigned separate cabins.  Little one room metal roof units. Very simple bed.  It had a bathroom and that’s about it.  But that’s all I needed.  Soon we would start the course. At that point no more talking for ten days.  No more looking anybody in the eye.  You are to imagine you are all alone.  I learned 12 years later that another purpose of not talking and no interaction is to let you experience the 10 days without discussing the process in real time.  I did not understand the purpose of silence then, but I accepted the terms.  Now it is 2026, I’ve just returned from my second 10 sitting in Jessup, Georgia.  I totally understand the importance of silence.  It has a dramatic effect on the mind’s ability to calm itself.  Even with the simple stimulation of conversation, the mind cannot ever completely calm down.

Back to 2014.  They give you a small flashlight.  It serves more than one purpose.  When it becomes night in Thailand, the campus got pitch dark.  The flashlight’s purpose was to help the student navigate the paths without stepping on insects. (Remember you can’t kill anything. An insect is a life to be respected). I remember one night going to my cabin in the night. As I was walking, I saw a large colony of ants marching single file across the path. These were not ordinary ants, these ants could pack a 8 foot 2 x 4. They were large fuzzy beings. They were so big I jokingly can say they were probably warm blooded animals. Ok…so that’s a bit of an exaggeration (but not much!)

Without the flashlight I could have easily stepped on them.  I stopped and observed the order of the line.  Nothing more. Nothing less.  I do remember being a little more attuned to the spirit of all life.  But I’ve always been that way.  It didn’t take a trip to Thailand for me to have an epiphany on the sanctity of life.  I guess it just gave me an extra moment to ponder the wonder of life.  

Sometime that first day 12 years ago. We begin the program. No ceremony, just an announcement that the course has begun. We are to wake up each morning at 4:30am. We are to get up and meditate in our accommodations for two and a half hours. Then we go to breakfast at 7am, which consists of vegetables, bread and some kind of porridge.   I didn’t meditate any during the time between wake up and breakfast. I just used it as a chance to rest. After breakfast we have a one-hour group meditation.

After the morning mediation you headed back to your home for another couple hours of solitary mediation (I rested or slept–it was just too much). Then Lunch…then another couple hours of solitary mediation…then an hour of group mediaiton…then a couple hours of another round of solitary mediation…then dinner. Then another solitary mediation routine. Then a final group meditation session…and finally a video teaching us about the practice of Vipassana. Good Golly! That’s when I realized how grueling the mediation schedule would be. This is going to be challenging.

At the group mediation we are told to take a sitting position, any position that is comfortable. Legs are crossed and you sit on a pillow.   Initially it’s not too bad.

Then you are told not to move for one hour.  Focus on your breathing.  Focus on the area between your nostrils and your upper lip.  Sense any sensation.  Heat from the breath, an itch—anything.   If it’s an itch, don’t react to it, don’t scratch it.  And last, focus on clearing your mind.

It’s the last two points that are next to impossible to do when you begin.  When you are told to clear your mind, my western mind rebelled and a whole rolodex of thoughts flashed through my head.  First thought, why am I doing this?  When can I get out of this? What is going on back home?  What about that project I’m working on?  On and on…  It was amazing how my mind could not calm down.  It was not easy to be in the moment.  I was thinking of what I needed to do when I got home.  I was thinking of the past. Thinking…thinking…thinking…but I am not supposed to think. I am supposed to focus on my breathing while I remain motionless. Hmm… there’s an itch. Slap! Scratch! Those instincts to react were initiated before my conscious mind even knew there was an itch.   This is going to be a long 10 days.

Let me tell you, it doesn’t take more than a few minutes before you start to have the need to move. It’s just wired into the mind. MOVE. It’s just an impulsive thing that is part of a western mind. 

It’s interesting to note that I went into this experience thinking the small of my back would be hurting intensively.  What do you think happened?  Sure enough, within a few minutes I could feel the pain creeping into my back, I could feel my knees going numb, and my leg muscles were tight. I couldn’t: NOT move.  “F” that! I moved to stretch my lower back, I moved to relieve the numbness in my knee, I moved to increase the blood flow in the ankles of my feet.  Basically, I moved. And my mind kept wandering. It seemed as if the mind was further ignited in thought, now there was pain and aversion that was adding to the equation.

Aversion: a strong feeling of dislike, repugnance, or opposition toward something, typically accompanied by an urge to avoid.  It is a word that is used in Vipassana training over and over again. 

Yep, aversion, that describes it to a “T”.  Maybe a slight tingle of anger to top it off.  Tranquility is a long-lost concept. 

There are about 80 people in the room.  40 men on the left and 40 women on the right. Each gender had their own entry and exit door.  We are separated by gender, but you can see them sitting on the far right.  You sit in the room by seniority.  Old students–those that have taken the course sit in front—and the new students sit in the back.  I’m in the back. 

Once you start the sit, you are supposed to close your eyes.  What do you think I did?  Well of course, I had my eyes open. Maybe it was rebellion, or perhaps I was just interested in how other people were reacting.  To the latter point, I see the people in the front seem to be statues, they instantly get into their sit position and do not move. 

Me, I’m adjusting to my perfect sit position, but I can’t seem to find that perfect position. I’m moving like a roach on a hot tin skillet. I’m supposed to be focusing on my breathing.  But there is pain, aversion…and don’t forget—a tingle of anger.

I must sit for one hour with the objective of clearing my mind. Uhh…thad’ be a failure.  Didn’t happen on my watch.  Seconds tick off like minutes. Minutes are an eternity.  A strange thing happened. Occasionally my mind did clear, and occasionally I was able to focus on my breathing. It didn’t happen much, but it did happen.  Maybe five minutes in total of the first sit was of clear mind. All the other 55 minutes were consumed in aversion and pain…and don’t forget–a tingle of anger.

I’ll wager the average reader is not saying: Sign me up!

I had no option. I’m in the middle of Kanchanburi Providence in Thailand. I had no phone, no watch, no western electronics of any kind. And I didn’t have a car.   I am in it for the duration of the next ten days.  Might as well as been a commitment to the end of time. At least that is the way it felt.

There is a short audio recording that chants at the end. The last sentence is: “Bhavatus Sabba Mangalam”.  It means: May all beings be happy. I can say this: This “being” (i.e., me), was happy when the last hour was over. Finally, the suffering is over. (Remember those ant “beings” on the path? May those ant beings be happy.)

Back to the sit

When you sit you are to observe any and all sensations of the body. Some are good. But at some point in the sit, unpleasant sensations will be creeping into the moment. In my case it was pain that resulted from my butt being in the same spot. Your supposed to not react emotionally to that pain. You are supposed to have an “equanimous” mindset.

Equanimous means maintaining a perfectly balanced, non-reactive state of mind in the face of any experience—whether that experience is highly pleasant or deeply unpleasant.

Instead of reacting with the old habits of craving (wanting more of a good feeling) or aversion (wanting a bad feeling to stop), an equanimous mind simply observes things exactly as they are in the present moment. This last sentence is extremely powerful.  “See things exactly as they are.”   

An equanimous mind has been made difficult with the pace of the 21^st century in Western culture. Along with the word equanimous, Vipassana introduces the word: Equanimity.

Equanimity is mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially under stress or during life’s inevitable highs and lows. Rooted in the Latin word aequanimitas (meaning “even mind”), it represents the ability to observe experiences clearly without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Living life with equanimity is increasingly difficult when you apply it to our current society. We see everything with bias and layer our emotions within the framework of our perception of reality. The concept of “seeing the world as it is, with equanimity” is something increasingly lost more and more in adult minds in the USA. I would like to think that I have an equanimous mind, but if I really look at it with a critically thinking mind, I will have to admit that viewing reality with a non-reactive mindset is a goal that I will have to continually work towards.

Back to my first sit 12 years ago, within minutes I was feeling pain.  To mitigate the pain I was feeling, I was moving within minutes.  In the next ten days of a Vipassana training session, the goal is to increase the duration of your ability to sit without moving, while constantly being aware of any sensation your body is experiencing: good or bad.   The only way you can do that is to start mentally training your mind to become more equanimous, more tranquil.  To be non-reactive you must learn to manage your aversion to the pains being felt. To do that you have to begin to detach mentally from the pain.   Once you can detach from the pain, then you can begin to mentally process the pain objectively.  Then you can observe the pain’s natural rhythm of rising and falling.  Why is this a good thing?  Sounds masochistic.  It’s not about being masochistic, it is about learning to be equanimous and being able to manage pain (i.e., suffering). It is training the mind to be able to be non-reactive and equanimous.  Not easy.  But this is a precursor to managing the suffering experienced in life.  Now we are getting to a philosophy of dealing with life’s suffering.  Interesting.  (At least to me, very interesting)

After the first sit, there is a video to start teaching the philosophy of Vipassana.  It turns out that pain is part of the method.  You are introduced to the word “equanimous”. One of Vipassana’s core concepts is that “life is about suffering”.  I remember thinking: that sounds so negative.  But since that initial sit, I’ve come to appreciate what was trying to be taught.  For example, being in a 5pm traffic jam in Nasvhille on a hot summer day with an accident about 4 miles up the road is a simplified example of suffering. That is not a negative: that is just a fact of life in our busy existence in the 21^st century.  On the other extreme of suffering, being unjustly accused of something you did not do, is a more egregious form of suffering.  Another example that might hit home to any parent, being a parent of a 13-year-old child who is acting like a 13-year-old on his or her worst day—is an example of suffering. I can’t think of a better mindset of being equanimous, when dealing with a ranting 13-year-old. So, yes, life is about suffering.  So how does Vipassana help one manage this suffering?  Well, if you’re curious, read on.

After the third day we meet with the course instructor for the first time. We met in a small room. Just a few of us that spoke English. The instructor asked each one of us if we had any questions. When it came to my turn the instructor asked me if I had any questions, to which I replied: ” no sir, I don’t.” Then he asked me if I could sit for 30 minutes without moving. I said, “no sir, I can not.” Then he said simply: “Your mind is not calm.” That’s all he said. Nothing else. Nada. That was all the feedback I got after three days of Vipassina. I processed the statement in a nanosecond and thought, “Your damn right my mind is not calm, I’m miserable. My back is hurtingand my lower extremities are completely numb. My legs are shooting pain up my nervous system. It has been three days of misery with a capital “M”. Then, on the very next moment I thought: “you know, I have not been this calm and relaxed in my life.” So I decided then and there that I would take his simple statement: “your mind is not calm” to task. I vowed to focus on his request and continue working on the goal of calming the mind. Hell, what else could I do–I was there. Might as well give it my best effort.

Here is an interesting parenthetical note. After that simple exchange and me deciding to focus on calming my mind, I never had a pain in my lower back for the balance of the next seven days. I concluded that my mind had psychosomatically willed my body to register that pain. Put another way, my mind convinced my nervous system to register a pain in my back. That is just incredible. It goes to show you that the human mind has power that most Western minds don’t understand.

Vipassana teaches two Pillars: Awareness and Equanimity

In this tradition, equanimity never stands alone. It works hand-in-hand with awareness like the two wings of a bird.  I’ll reference and repeat an ancient parable of a bird with one wing loaded with awareness and the other wing is loaded with equanimity. If the bird has awareness on one wing and no equanimity on the other wing, the bird is not balanced and will not fly.  Conversely, if the bird is loaded with equanimity and has no awareness, then the bird cannot fly.  The only way the bird soars to the heights of enlightenment is with a balanced load of awareness and equanimity.  When you sit a session of Vipassana, you are taught to be aware of the sensations of the body.  This teaches the mind to be aware of sensations.  The underlining benefit is that it is teaching you mental discipline to deal with life’s ups and downs.

To summarize: Awareness allows you to feel the physical sensations on the body (vedanā).  Equanimity allows you to feel them without judging them as “good” or “bad.”

There is one more important insight that is introduced:  Anicca.

Anicca is an ancient Indian word for: Change.  Life is impermanent and life is about change. This is a very powerful word within this practice. If the meditator fully understands the power of Anicca, then one expects physical change within the mediation session. Thoughts will come and go. Pains will come and go.

If one can accept Anicca, then one can began to disassociate with the pains that arise during the mediation session. If the meditator can begin to detach from a pain, then the meditator can begin to look at the pain objectively and not subjectively. This is the beginning of the process that completely reconfigures the brain. It all starts with controlling our thoughts. When we truly learn to control our thoughts, then we are on the path to controlling our emotions.

The Insight: Equanimity is grounded in a deep, experiential understanding of Anicca (impermanence/change). When you mediate in the Vipassana tradition you take a position and maintain it.  Along the way there will be sensations.  Some pleasant. Some not so pleasant—downright painful. With insight, you begin to train your mind to understand that these sensations will rise and then subside.  If you learn to observe the sensations and not react to the sensations, then learn to objectify the sensations and realize that every sensation will pass.  This is an enormously powerful concept to internalize. Suffering, for the most part, is temporary—whether it’s a painful ache in the knees or a pleasant, or a pleasant subtle flow of energy—they all rise only to pass away—Anicca, Anicca, Anicaa (Change, Change, Change).  Anicaa (change)  is a fact of life. Vipassana, at it’s core embraces change, mitigates change, and ultimately—manages change. This is a powerful mind skillset to learn to control the reaction to life’s experiences.

Back to 2026.  Whew! That is a lot of stuff. I only started to fully comprehend that on my second sitting in Jessup, Georgia.  I’m guessing you might be wondering. Why? Why would you want to go through such a grueling experience?  Well, here goes.  I’m a typical older USA lovin’ late 60’s male.   When I lay down to sleep at night, the instant I lay down my mind starts an endless “do loop” of thought.   I am thinking of the day I just experienced. I’m thinking of tomorrow. Then some thought deep in my head may introduce a subject to ruminate over.  Or I might be thinking of an engineering problem I’m trying to solve.  This last point is something I did all my working life. I would go to sleep thinking about my problem. Funny thing, I viewed that as an asset because many times I’d wake up in the morning with a solution to my query.  Fantastic!  I loved it.  But it is a skill that will bite you in the end.  Because your mind never truly rests.  It is not getting the therapeutic rest it needs.  Fast forward from a twenty-year-old “go get ‘er done personality” to late sixties “go get ‘er done personality”. The mind has been trained to not relax.  Sometimes I might only get two hours of sleep per night.  I’d say I averaged about four or five hours of sleep during my years of gainful endeavors. 

Here is the rub.  If the human body does not get enough sleep, then elevated blood pressure is a result.  Here are two other conditions that can be caused by lack of sleep: gout and high bad cholesterol.    I have not had an alcoholic drink in 2 years, and I have lost 15 pounds in the last few years.   Recently I had a bout of gout, and my bad cholesterol has been elevated.  Given my healthy lifestyle, I was researching to see if sleep could be a root cause of my condition Turns out, thad’ be a yes.  Gout and bad cholesterol can manifest themselves by not having enough sleep. Bingo!  I think I may have stumbled onto a potential root cause of my problems.  

So, I can: one, take more medications.  Or two: give Vipassana a try.  I decided I wanted to try to get off pharmaceutical remedies, so I immersed myself in the Vipassana philosophy/training by going to a second 10 day sitting.

Since I did my second sit I have been getting up in the morning and sitting for one hour and then trying to find the time to sit in the evening.  In the real world of life, that is hard to do.  If I’m honest, then I’d say I’ve been able to do that some days and other days I’m lucky if I squeeze in one session.  That said, I’m giving it my best effort. 

It took me 40 years of training my brain to be the “go-go gadget, get ‘er done” guy with reduced amount of REM sleep.  I built my personal Rome. Rome was not built in a day, It took me 40 year to build that Rome. So I’d be naïve to think that one 10 day training course would solve my sleep issues and solve my gout and high bad cholesterol. If I’m I am going to give Vipassana a real chance, then I have to think I have to rebuild my mental Rome.  That will take time, I have to be realistic.  To that end I am just looking for a trend in the right direction.

Here are a few things I noticed.  I have been able to be equanimous in Nashville traffic. I seem to have a more non-reactive state of mind when the traffic stalls. That in and of itself is worth the price of admission!  I have noticed a trend towards better sleep. If that trend continues (big if, proof is in the puddin’), then the Vipassana discipline will be worth the effort.   

We will see, I’m optimistic.  I am starting to build my Vipassana discipline.  Last night I mediated at 8pm for one hour.  I did not touch my phone (a habit I do as I lay down for the evening) and fell asleep around 9ish pm.   I woke up and looked at my watch expecting it to be about 2am.  To my surprise it was 4:15am.  That’s 7+ hours of quality sleep! Oh my gosh—that’s huge.  I got out of bed and was mediating by 4:30am.  I’ll try to rinse and repeat my previous nights sitting beginning at 8pm tonight. 

Cross my fingers, I will see what happens.  I can only hope to stay in the moment. I’m going to enjoy this moment and continue the quest.